Once upon a time I was little girl with wonder-wide eyes and a curious heart. I loved to sing and to dance with my ballerina mother. I loved horses and books and my little sister. I ran wild with bare feet and got covered in dirt with no shame. I was kind, empathetic, and brave. I was aware of my destiny to love and be loved.
I was also experiencing sexual abuse on a regular basis. From my earliest years, I lived in a state of survival. My nervous system developed to be highly tuned to danger and my brain created patterns designed to keep me alive. There was no room to feel safe. Not at home, not at school, not in my own body.
Much of my life was lived in fear and disconnection. From myself. From the world around me. From people I tried to love. I tried to manage the pain and discomfort of feeling ashamed of my existence by escaping into imaginary worlds through books. By immersing myself in the craft of acting so I could be someone else. As I grew older, I turned to food. Then to drugs and self harm. To men who didn’t see me as a person. I forgot about my destiny to love and be loved.
In January of 2018, having spent years in therapy, I was in despair. I was not getting better, in fact I was spiralling down towards suicide feeling comfortable. I thought I was irreversibly broken. Worthless. Disgusting to look at. Every feeling I had felt unmanageable and the coping mechinisms I had been using didn’t help as much anymore. I was eating my way to diabetes, numbing my body and mind with drugs and becoming a professional co-dependant to whoever showed me even a tiny bit of affection.
I happened to read a book that talked about how yoga can help people recover from trauma. I decided I was going to participate in a 30 day yoga challenge. That 30 days of practice lead me to a place I had never really been before. I remember the day I felt connected to my body for the first time. I was walking in my neighbourhood when all of a sudden I realized that I could feel my feet roll over the ground as I walked. I could feel my breath in sync with the rhythm of my stride. I was not worried about how I appeared to the outside world. My teeth were not clenched and my shoulders were soft. I felt connected to my body and it felt safe.
I remember that moment because it was the first moment of real hope I had felt in years. I knew it was the yoga, but I didn't know why. I decided that I would give my practice all of my effort and I enrolled in a Yoga Teacher training program. I have spent the past five years learning the why. I earned my 200 hour yoga teacher training certificate in April of 2020 from Semperviva Yoga Centre in Vancouver, BC. I completed the Yoga Outreach Core Training in Trauma Informed Yoga. I then took 240 hours of training in Ayurveda, Yoga Nidra, Yin, Restorative, Mantra and Philosophy at Karma Teachers in Vancouver, BC. I am currently enrolled at Ajna Yoga in the 800 Hour Yoga Therapy program, as a Yoga Therapist in training.
Today, I am am a woman with wonder-wide eyes and a curious heart. I sing loudly whenever I want. I still love horses and books and my little sister. I run wild with bare feet and I get covered in dirt with no shame. I am kind, empathetic, and brave. I am aware of my destiny and I am deeply loved, and love deeply.
If you read my story and can see some of yourself in it, then you are already on the Seeker's Path with me. I am passionate about helping people learn to use the tools and practices of yoga to support them in their recovery efforts. I invite you to explore my offerings, or reach out if you are not sure where you fit. (I promise you do fit) xoxo